I really shouldn’t be writing this now. It’s late and I have work tomorrow morning. Tomorrow will be day one of week number three of a job I am now sick of. All the little learning trials have come and gone and now I’m just bored an unmotivated. I wonder how someone could live a life in a cubicle, or in a job the is the same, everyday. I wasn’t meant for this, and that’s why I hate it so much.
Before everyone thinks I’m in a really bad place, let me correct you. There actually is nothing wrong with this job. It is simple, and it pays well, and they let me read in my cubicle (which I do, while on hold or doing my breaks, or in between phone calls) I have finished three novels while at work. I make jokes with my coworkers and we take our own “breaks” and have chats when we’re bored. It’s just that this job asks nothing of me and challenges me in no way. When I do well ( i.e. when i am successful in getting a member to join the PAC) which only happens 5-6 times a day, I am ecstatic. On slow days like last Thursday and Friday, I sink into the unhappiness of realizing I wasted the day, and accomplished nothing but making money. I’m not trying to hype this job to be more than it is, but I would like to have a job where I felt like I was getting work done, everyday, and that I actually wanted to get up and go to work, instead of dreading it. I don’t feel like I am building towards anything, just that I am existing, from day to day, with no goal to reach out to. The same thing everyday, and each new day, I start at zero. This is, quite literally, hell.
On the bright side, I am starting to really enjoy DC. Minus all the crazy, creepy, scary people that call this place home, it is quite nice. I’m warming up to the roommates in the house, especially our newest edition, Naomi, who just came from Brown, a British expatriate who has lived in Dubai, Egypt, Saudi Arabia, and is amazingly silly and fun. I love it when I can talk to a person and within 5 minutes know we will get along swimmingly. A group of us housemates went to Adams Morgan last Thursday to do a bar crawl, which was fun, and must be repeated. Yesterday, Nicole, new friend Mo and I went Museum Hopping to the National Gallery, Museum of Natural History, and Museum of American History. Nic and I topped off the day by going to Chinatown and enjoying the fare. Today I was a complete waste of space, but it was gloomy and rainy so I really didn’t feel like doing anything anyway.
My NJ homesickness hit me this week. Just missing people from home and school, and realizing that I don’t get to go back to RU, as an undergrad, not ever again. The ride is closed for good. Sure, I knew this all ready, but I’ve just kept thinking about it, making it hit home every time. This is just dumb because I realize my first year at Rutgers wasn’t great, and I recall missing my V-town friends a lot, so much so that I really disliked school. And now its going to be the same way here. I’ll be lonely and uncomfortable for a bit, and then I’ll get situated, make friends, and have fun, so much so that I forget to feel so sad for something that I can reach for, but never hold on to. And just like I didn’t lose my pals when I left Vernon, I know I won’t lose my RU pals either, I just have to relearn how to deal with the feeling of not knowing when I will be seeing them again. The point is to remember that I WILL see them again. The when is just details.
Time here has moved unbearably slow. June has lasted forever. July promises to be no quicker.
All friends, please call, write, messenger pigeon, what have you. I miss you like crazy.
J’taime
- l’arc-en-ciel
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