Thursday, June 29, 2006
Monday, June 26, 2006
They say time heals everything. But I'm still waiting...
I really shouldn’t be writing this now. It’s late and I have work tomorrow morning. Tomorrow will be day one of week number three of a job I am now sick of. All the little learning trials have come and gone and now I’m just bored an unmotivated. I wonder how someone could live a life in a cubicle, or in a job the is the same, everyday. I wasn’t meant for this, and that’s why I hate it so much.
Before everyone thinks I’m in a really bad place, let me correct you. There actually is nothing wrong with this job. It is simple, and it pays well, and they let me read in my cubicle (which I do, while on hold or doing my breaks, or in between phone calls) I have finished three novels while at work. I make jokes with my coworkers and we take our own “breaks” and have chats when we’re bored. It’s just that this job asks nothing of me and challenges me in no way. When I do well ( i.e. when i am successful in getting a member to join the PAC) which only happens 5-6 times a day, I am ecstatic. On slow days like last Thursday and Friday, I sink into the unhappiness of realizing I wasted the day, and accomplished nothing but making money. I’m not trying to hype this job to be more than it is, but I would like to have a job where I felt like I was getting work done, everyday, and that I actually wanted to get up and go to work, instead of dreading it. I don’t feel like I am building towards anything, just that I am existing, from day to day, with no goal to reach out to. The same thing everyday, and each new day, I start at zero. This is, quite literally, hell.
On the bright side, I am starting to really enjoy DC. Minus all the crazy, creepy, scary people that call this place home, it is quite nice. I’m warming up to the roommates in the house, especially our newest edition, Naomi, who just came from Brown, a British expatriate who has lived in Dubai, Egypt, Saudi Arabia, and is amazingly silly and fun. I love it when I can talk to a person and within 5 minutes know we will get along swimmingly. A group of us housemates went to Adams Morgan last Thursday to do a bar crawl, which was fun, and must be repeated. Yesterday, Nicole, new friend Mo and I went Museum Hopping to the National Gallery, Museum of Natural History, and Museum of American History. Nic and I topped off the day by going to Chinatown and enjoying the fare. Today I was a complete waste of space, but it was gloomy and rainy so I really didn’t feel like doing anything anyway.
My NJ homesickness hit me this week. Just missing people from home and school, and realizing that I don’t get to go back to RU, as an undergrad, not ever again. The ride is closed for good. Sure, I knew this all ready, but I’ve just kept thinking about it, making it hit home every time. This is just dumb because I realize my first year at Rutgers wasn’t great, and I recall missing my V-town friends a lot, so much so that I really disliked school. And now its going to be the same way here. I’ll be lonely and uncomfortable for a bit, and then I’ll get situated, make friends, and have fun, so much so that I forget to feel so sad for something that I can reach for, but never hold on to. And just like I didn’t lose my pals when I left Vernon, I know I won’t lose my RU pals either, I just have to relearn how to deal with the feeling of not knowing when I will be seeing them again. The point is to remember that I WILL see them again. The when is just details.
Time here has moved unbearably slow. June has lasted forever. July promises to be no quicker.
All friends, please call, write, messenger pigeon, what have you. I miss you like crazy.
J’taime
- l’arc-en-ciel
Before everyone thinks I’m in a really bad place, let me correct you. There actually is nothing wrong with this job. It is simple, and it pays well, and they let me read in my cubicle (which I do, while on hold or doing my breaks, or in between phone calls) I have finished three novels while at work. I make jokes with my coworkers and we take our own “breaks” and have chats when we’re bored. It’s just that this job asks nothing of me and challenges me in no way. When I do well ( i.e. when i am successful in getting a member to join the PAC) which only happens 5-6 times a day, I am ecstatic. On slow days like last Thursday and Friday, I sink into the unhappiness of realizing I wasted the day, and accomplished nothing but making money. I’m not trying to hype this job to be more than it is, but I would like to have a job where I felt like I was getting work done, everyday, and that I actually wanted to get up and go to work, instead of dreading it. I don’t feel like I am building towards anything, just that I am existing, from day to day, with no goal to reach out to. The same thing everyday, and each new day, I start at zero. This is, quite literally, hell.
On the bright side, I am starting to really enjoy DC. Minus all the crazy, creepy, scary people that call this place home, it is quite nice. I’m warming up to the roommates in the house, especially our newest edition, Naomi, who just came from Brown, a British expatriate who has lived in Dubai, Egypt, Saudi Arabia, and is amazingly silly and fun. I love it when I can talk to a person and within 5 minutes know we will get along swimmingly. A group of us housemates went to Adams Morgan last Thursday to do a bar crawl, which was fun, and must be repeated. Yesterday, Nicole, new friend Mo and I went Museum Hopping to the National Gallery, Museum of Natural History, and Museum of American History. Nic and I topped off the day by going to Chinatown and enjoying the fare. Today I was a complete waste of space, but it was gloomy and rainy so I really didn’t feel like doing anything anyway.
My NJ homesickness hit me this week. Just missing people from home and school, and realizing that I don’t get to go back to RU, as an undergrad, not ever again. The ride is closed for good. Sure, I knew this all ready, but I’ve just kept thinking about it, making it hit home every time. This is just dumb because I realize my first year at Rutgers wasn’t great, and I recall missing my V-town friends a lot, so much so that I really disliked school. And now its going to be the same way here. I’ll be lonely and uncomfortable for a bit, and then I’ll get situated, make friends, and have fun, so much so that I forget to feel so sad for something that I can reach for, but never hold on to. And just like I didn’t lose my pals when I left Vernon, I know I won’t lose my RU pals either, I just have to relearn how to deal with the feeling of not knowing when I will be seeing them again. The point is to remember that I WILL see them again. The when is just details.
Time here has moved unbearably slow. June has lasted forever. July promises to be no quicker.
All friends, please call, write, messenger pigeon, what have you. I miss you like crazy.
J’taime
- l’arc-en-ciel
Sunday, June 11, 2006
We'll do it all. Everything. On our own.
So I've been a citizen of Washington D.C. for a little over a week. The move in went smoothly, Viki = awesome. I got my room set up the ay i wanted and my pictures on the walls. Some artwork and some light cleaning and the place feels like mine. I don't even mind the pink paint on the walls, matches my iPod. The city is amazing, though I still have much of it to cover. The Capitol Building (a mere 5 blocks away) is absolutely breathtaking at night. I've been visiting several Senate office buildings, trying to get my resume around and doing some informational interviews. Nothing promising yet, but I hope that will change. In the meantime, last Monday I had two interviews, one for USPIRG and the other for a Political Fundraiser called CapTel. PIRG wasn't policy based work (they wanted a techie basically) and they wanted a year commitment. I didn't want to do either of those things. The other job really isn't policy based either, but the pay is better and the hours are more flexible. CapTel offered me the job on Wednesday, and I started training on Thursday and Friday. They also allow me to take off Fridays (which I will be leaving open for interviews) and I can pretty much quit as long as I give them a weeks notice. The people there are friendly and the work is pretty simple. Oh, and it's a five minute walk from my house. I really couldn't ask for more of a temporary job. I'm a little crestfallen because I haven't been able to find anything promising in the Senate. Part of me thinks I should have just pursued that, but sitting in the house on Tuesday and Wednesday, being a complete waste of space, I realized I'd just go bonkers. Atleast now, I'll be making money, gaining some experience, and still have the time to pursue the job I really want.
Meanwhile, throught the Rutgers in DC program, I've made a couple new friends and have had a semblance of a social life. I got to see Al Gore's movie, so I'm ahead of the curve. Sassy called me earlier in the week, she had been pretty emotional, having trouble moving on, especially with moving into her own place. I haven't had that at all really, but I guess college got me used to that. I miss not having transportation, and not being able to get home if I want to. I'm a crazy sort of person who would drive 4 hours to see a bunch of friends and then drive back. I guess i care too damned much. Otherwise, I'm glad I have people here who I know, so I'm not completely alone. Then I'd probably doubt this more.
Part of me hasn't realized that I'm not going back to Jersey in the forseeable future. I feel like I'm just visiting, or I'm supposed to be going to classes. Something like that, something temporary. Also surprising is how much I cling to Jersey people. It's hard to be around people who don't understand Jersey stuff. I've always seen myself as an accepting person, but when it comes to regional differences, I guess I've just never been tested. Hearing people with deep southern drawls always makes me flinch. It a bit of culture shock I guess.
I felt a little eh today. Not homesick. Just lonely. Yesterday was a whirl of activity, and today was silent. I don't know why I feel like every free moment should be filled, but I do and I got mildly depressed this evening..just wishing I had something to do and someone to do it with. It's only been a week, I shouldn't complain. I'll have plenty of opportunities to make friends and go places. I feel like I've been here for a month.
Well this has gone on much longer than I expected. Now that you're bored to death, have a nice week
-raaaaquel
Meanwhile, throught the Rutgers in DC program, I've made a couple new friends and have had a semblance of a social life. I got to see Al Gore's movie, so I'm ahead of the curve. Sassy called me earlier in the week, she had been pretty emotional, having trouble moving on, especially with moving into her own place. I haven't had that at all really, but I guess college got me used to that. I miss not having transportation, and not being able to get home if I want to. I'm a crazy sort of person who would drive 4 hours to see a bunch of friends and then drive back. I guess i care too damned much. Otherwise, I'm glad I have people here who I know, so I'm not completely alone. Then I'd probably doubt this more.
Part of me hasn't realized that I'm not going back to Jersey in the forseeable future. I feel like I'm just visiting, or I'm supposed to be going to classes. Something like that, something temporary. Also surprising is how much I cling to Jersey people. It's hard to be around people who don't understand Jersey stuff. I've always seen myself as an accepting person, but when it comes to regional differences, I guess I've just never been tested. Hearing people with deep southern drawls always makes me flinch. It a bit of culture shock I guess.
I felt a little eh today. Not homesick. Just lonely. Yesterday was a whirl of activity, and today was silent. I don't know why I feel like every free moment should be filled, but I do and I got mildly depressed this evening..just wishing I had something to do and someone to do it with. It's only been a week, I shouldn't complain. I'll have plenty of opportunities to make friends and go places. I feel like I've been here for a month.
Well this has gone on much longer than I expected. Now that you're bored to death, have a nice week
-raaaaquel
Friday, June 02, 2006
Time ticks by, where'd you go?
So, it's official, I'm a college graduate. And furthermore, tonight is my last night as a New Jersey resident, at least for the next 3 months. My stuff is packed, the place is rented, job is still up in the air, and tomorrow a dread-locked Hungarian and her communist van are coming to whisk me away from this town. My friends and family have been so supportive, just amazingly positive in believing that this is a great idea. Ross Baker has sanctioned my endeavor, so it's gotta be good. I, on the other hand, am absolutely terrified. I try not to, but everytime I try to pretend I don't care, I end up feeling sick or otherwise emotional. I might as well let myself feel it, and keep from being sick.
Rewind. So graduation was great, since I got to go extremely early, thanks Rutgers, it was the one time that being an "M" was a good thing. The Post-Party at Keats was amazingly fun as well, with buds from both school and home as well as my favorite family members. Hell yeah for drunken kareoke.
Home has been pretty good. Mostly sitting on my ass, hanging with the girls for a little bit until Dana went back to NY and Megs heads to Florida. It kills me knowing that I won't be spending this summer with them, and part of me wishes I had reconsidered, just so i could have stayed with them. I know I'll always have them, the time i can't spend with them now will be made up in the future. 10 years of friendship ain't nothing to scoff at.
My summer insomnia hit last night, I couldnt fall asleep til 4am. I really hope this is isolated and that it hasn't returned for good. I really can't imagine being in DC, having to work, and not sleeping, like is usual for my summers. I need for this not to happen this year.
I've been back to NB twice in the past two weeks. I realize my inability to stay away, and i accept it. I went to Sara and Brent's party last saturday, and then I was there yesterday for one last diner run with the boys, and to give nick his b-day present. Part of me really doesn't want to leave, and another part is in denial that I won't be returning. I talked to a bunch of alumni in the past few weeks and they say after a year or so, you kind of stop missing it. It's funny, I don't recall if I felt this way about high school, but it just feels ten times worse than any recent heartache i've experienced. I'm really lucky that I'm able to care about this place so much.
I was gonna write this open letter to Rutgers, but I'm a bit tired for it. Keep your eyes peeled for it, because it will be coming...although probably from D.C.
I will say to all my buddies, past and present, that I am going to try my best not to lose you. Yeah, I'll be far, but not far enough that I can't come to a party, or wedding or bat mitzvah. Throughout my life, there has been one constant of friendship being the most important thing to me. I must have done something really nice in a past life to deserve you crazy people.
dial me up if you're in the district
<3
rachel
Rewind. So graduation was great, since I got to go extremely early, thanks Rutgers, it was the one time that being an "M" was a good thing. The Post-Party at Keats was amazingly fun as well, with buds from both school and home as well as my favorite family members. Hell yeah for drunken kareoke.
Home has been pretty good. Mostly sitting on my ass, hanging with the girls for a little bit until Dana went back to NY and Megs heads to Florida. It kills me knowing that I won't be spending this summer with them, and part of me wishes I had reconsidered, just so i could have stayed with them. I know I'll always have them, the time i can't spend with them now will be made up in the future. 10 years of friendship ain't nothing to scoff at.
My summer insomnia hit last night, I couldnt fall asleep til 4am. I really hope this is isolated and that it hasn't returned for good. I really can't imagine being in DC, having to work, and not sleeping, like is usual for my summers. I need for this not to happen this year.
I've been back to NB twice in the past two weeks. I realize my inability to stay away, and i accept it. I went to Sara and Brent's party last saturday, and then I was there yesterday for one last diner run with the boys, and to give nick his b-day present. Part of me really doesn't want to leave, and another part is in denial that I won't be returning. I talked to a bunch of alumni in the past few weeks and they say after a year or so, you kind of stop missing it. It's funny, I don't recall if I felt this way about high school, but it just feels ten times worse than any recent heartache i've experienced. I'm really lucky that I'm able to care about this place so much.
I was gonna write this open letter to Rutgers, but I'm a bit tired for it. Keep your eyes peeled for it, because it will be coming...although probably from D.C.
I will say to all my buddies, past and present, that I am going to try my best not to lose you. Yeah, I'll be far, but not far enough that I can't come to a party, or wedding or bat mitzvah. Throughout my life, there has been one constant of friendship being the most important thing to me. I must have done something really nice in a past life to deserve you crazy people.
dial me up if you're in the district
<3
rachel
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
