Realizing how difficult it is to write this makes me disappointed in myself. I have prided myself in being able to detach and reattach to different things in my life with ease. I have made myself flexable to new situations, no longer hiding from them. With trying to write this,i realize that's been a farce, and i'm still that girl who hates it when things change, when she's not ready for them to change.
My last RCGA meeting was on Tuesday, and I made my way through it quite well I think. I gave my last vote, last officer report, last roll call. They passed and the world kept turning. It's really stupid to think this way because these things really have no bearing on the world, or my life...bigger things have hit me, even larger heartbreaks will come at me, and I am sure I will survive them. I was able to look at these moments during the last meeting and remember them as my last and draw every bit of happiness out of them for realizing it.
Anyway, here my open letter to the RCGA
My first two years at college were a whirl of ups and downs. Freshman year was disappointing (It was livingston, ha) and sophomore year brought me to college ave where I had more friends but was still just going through the motions of being a college student, still in my shell. I let Mel drag me to a RCGA meeting when she saw two Class of 06 spots were open. We had no idea what it was about, and about 15 minutes into the meeting they called for nominees to run. We spoke, answered question (thanks raj murthy for the cheat sheet) and 20 minutes later, we were a part of something. Nothing like realizing how a 2 second decision to do something changes you. Since then, college was something much better than it had ever been. I made some of the best friends I've ever had, its scary to realize i may never have met them if i had not joined. I began to feel important when people would ask me questions about the college or university because they knew i was a member. I was able to get the most out of rutgers by representing it, taking the good with the bad, and learning how to fix the bad. I laughed. I had fun. I've never felt so part of a community, even within my own family. Never felt so able to speak my mind, or share my thoughts, to joke and to be serious. I know I won't be ever to have this again, the way it was, but I'm really thankful I was able to be given it for the 2 years I had. I'm sad because I don't want to let go of it, and happy because I know it will continue and be there even though i am not. I'm going to let myself be jealous of it.
I thought i was gonna wait til Passing the Gavel to write this, but this morning i received an email nicely kicking me off the rcga listserv, which had to be done, i know this. It was just the realization of someone saying, you have to let go, instead of me giving myself time to let go. It's probably better this way, i can't be constantly checking to see what's going on with the body I'm no longer a part of. It hurt like ripping off a bandaid though. oh well, i've dealt with worse. One day i won't even care about this, I'll look back at this post and realize how silly I was.
In summation, just wanted to thank every person I worked with in the past two years. Thanks especially to Mel who dragged me here, thanks to whoever thought it was a good idea to create the rcga in 1894. To the friends I made, you are some of the most amazing people I have ever met. I've always found that I am able to surround myself with the best and brightest people, you are no exception. I am to see to it I do not lose you,
For the final time,
Rachel Marcus
Treasurer
Class of 2006 Representative
Rutgers College Governing Association
(the art of losing's not too hard to master...)
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